Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Spirit Fair September 26th @ Harmony Ridge

Well, I have to be honest with you.


It’s been hard.

It’s been hard since the Open Mind closed its doors at the end of January; I’ve been in a funk since then.

Oh, I can’t bs you. I’ve been depressed and it seems to be getting worse instead of getting better.

I don’t want to whine. I really don’t, but maybe if I share my feelings with you, I’ll be able to get past it and move on. But there’s a part of me telling me that no one cares anyway and that I should just forget about it. Give up. Quit and wallow.

This voice has been buggin’ me my whole life.

I remember watching baseball on tv when I was a kid and it was always Kurt Gowdy and Tony Kubek calling the national games (on ABC, I believe). Well, whenever the Pirates played, it seemed that Kurt Gowdy and Tony Kubek we always routing for the other side to win, but Kubek always seemed particularly annoying.

Then I found out about the 1960 World Series and I understood why. Sour grapes.

Well, to get back to The Voice, it’s kinda like having a couple of play by play announcers in my head always routing for the other team.

Always. And it’s been worse lately, but I do feel a little better after having written this down. I guess that’s the solution: Writing it down. If Kubek will let me.
Phil
By the way:
Spirit Fair at Harmony Ridge
Ambridge, PA
Sunday, September 26th 12-6

Featuring:
Palm Readings with Patricia Mauro
Angelic Messages  with Mary Faith
Akashic Record Consultations with Stephanie Charles
Tarot Readings with Linda Cartwright
Reflexology with Deb Carter
Aura Photography with Lisa McCormack
Sound Healing with Mike Tamburo
Psychic Readings with Paul Meidinger
Readings are $20 for 20 Minutes

I sent this email out on Sept. 12th and I got a lot of wonderful responses. I'm sorry if I'm sometimes too honest. Believe me, I'm not like that all the time, but I guess I needed not to sugarcoat the message.

Here are some of the best ones.  I have kept most of them anonymous. My comments are in (brackets).

Hello Phil,

It's very nice to hear your "voice." I've missed the OM alot since you've closed. I will never forget how you supported me for many years.
Wishing you all the best, carole
(That was from Carole Obley.)

Dear Phil,

I' ve become a Louise Hay junkie lately. You can turn all those negative thoughts around. You can start all those positive affirmations to counter the dark demons. There's a terrific CD in her latest book so that you can drive around town and get so positive that you start to glow in the dark. I also read in a book by Esther Hicks that you can choose the thought that gives you relief.

You can do it. And yes, we care.
Love, C.

(Thank you, C.C.)

Phil,

God has something NEW for you. Much better than what you had before. You were so committed to the first thing that there was no room for growth or anything new. To keep it going you dug in even deeper, struggling to keep it. Now clean out all the disappointment, Know that God loves you, allow yourself to feel it and expect the new!
When you let go of the past..or what you lost....and look forward to what God has for you. You will see it, hear it and be so happy in it!!!
Lov`n light, S. A.

p.s. I do hope you write again. I know how you feel. Been there done that!!!

(I will write, I promise.)

Hang in there... better days are coming.

(Short but sweet.)

I have that voice too...


My kids are all grown .. and all four live ... away...
I have been in a funk since then.. a long time.
I miss knowing the Open Mind was there..
it almost seems like the more we need places of light..
the more they blink out. Reality Bites

I confess to not going in often.. I went for gifts, cards.. fragrance ...
but it is hard for me to not be at home. I manage work...
but then I have to fly home. I would like to be a stay at home k.
Where I work needs a lot of light.. I just dont have it in me to try to be a light there.
Too hard and long to explain.

I am sorry the OM had to close.. and I am so sorry that it makes you sad.
I know that you have no idea who I am.. but I liked seeing you..
you have soft energy...( not everyone there did)
and gentle eyes..

(Hope to see you at the Fair.)

I love your honesty and courage. Having suffered from depression most of my life, I feel your pain. I know everyone is different and must find their own path, but I feel I would be remiss if I didn't at least share with you a treatment that has changed my life with depression--EMDR. You can google it if you are interested and if you want, talk with me about my personal experiences with it...Whatever your path, I wish you the best.


LH

(I did some work with EMDR and it was good. I'm going to do some EFT with Deb Carter.)

hey! i know that voice. its particularly annoying when you know everything you're supposed to do to get rid of it and it's still there.


anyway, i don't know if this will make you feel better or worse but i cant tell you what a hole is in sewickley since the open mind closed. i keep wishing it will just come back. there was something so comforting and magical about it and we miss it terribly. the beauty and warmth it brought to our community can't be replaced. i know energy shifts and change happens, but i still have a hard time with it sometimes. and i understand your emotional struggle. its not easy being a sensitive soul but i just keep telling myself its a gift and i must be grateful and use it in a positive way, and i will just as soon as i get out from some of this pressure! i know thats not an excuse, but sometimes i just feel like i could sleep for a week.

so phil just know that you are not alone and there is a voice out here cheering for you! a couple of voices! (i know h. would concur.)

a cosmic hug to you,

(Thank you so much for that. I hope you are doing well.)
 
Phil, Hang in there. I really don't know you that well, but i would think that you of all people

would know how it works. Come on, stay in the game. There are alot of like minded people out here looking for direction and friendship with others who think alike. The crowd is starting to gather,and it will only get bigger. Peace&Love, A~*

(Well said)

Sorry to hear about the frame of mind. I understand.

Don't take this economy personally.
G.

(I do take too many things personally.)

Hey Phil... about the voices and the depression... I've been there. Have had alot of success with EFT.
Go to: http://www.emofree.com/ and search 'depression' etc.
EFT releases these energies at the cellular level.
You tap on certain acupuncture points while speaking the truth of how you feel.
Hope this helps!
V.
(Another EFT proponent. )

Oh Phil,


I am sorry to hear that you are grieving. It is understandable. I know we all miss the OM! I am sure there is something even better on the horizon for you. Make sure to stay creative to keep your spirits up!

I wish you all the best,

K.
 
(I played my banjo this morning and I felt great!)
 
Hi Phil,

So sorry to hear how you feel. We all experience these tfeelings at some point in life. I think the key to getting through them is that one-day-at-a-time thing. Looking far ahead, even a week, takes away what is going on RIGHT NOW. You are a kind, talented intelligent man. No one can take that from you. I also believe there is a strong physical component to depression. If you want to know more about this just let me know.

Talk soon,
J.

(I always feel better after a walk.)

I will send some Reiki to you.

Namaste, S.

I care- write as much as you want- i know that it helps me

peace, m.

Hello Phillip!! Oh, gracious me!!! Are you SERIOUS??? Has not that "other" window opened for you as yet? Do not like to hear that one of our own is depressed and in a funk. I must say, even though I could not get down there very often, I do miss the Open Mind store. Really, we used to come down when it was upstairs and was very disappointed when they painted over the mural at the top of the stairs. Seemed to lose something at that point. Cannot remember who took over the upstairs or if indeed it was yours or what.


Anyways, we cannot look back but forward to all the good things coming our way and that includes you and yours.

With Angel Blessings,
M.

(The mural was painted over by National Rehab who back in the late 90s tried very hard to force us out of the building. It was a wonderful mural. I wonder if anyone has a picture of it?)

Hey there Philip,


Life is full of ups and downs.....you are your own "creator" so start creating a new way of being!! You are sooooooo creative!!! Miss you and hope to see you soon.
love ya, Debbie

(Debbie Donoghue, my Reiki Master)
Hi Phil,


You don't really know me, but I've often shopped at the Open Mind and enjoyed the space and your presence there.

I just wanted to respond to your message; except for the baseball references (I didn't grow up in Pittsburgh or watching any other team either), I really appreciate what you said about the lingering depression. I would love to find an on-going, maybe online group to talk about just that sense of lingering depression. Some place to talk about how meds can work, but are best taken for certain time spans and sometimes hard to stop. And that depression can be a really interesting sort of process; of working through all kinds of interesting life issues, but also just really painful.

You know this, of course, and have contact with many healers and readers and folks who can help you make sense of these times. So, I will send some light and love your way; and wish you well on this part of your journey.

Take care,
C.

(That's a great idea.)
Phil, we are so very sorry that you've been down...it's understandable: perhaps you are grieving. On so many days since January, both Carmen and I have had the "Open Mind" trip impulse, only to think, "No. It's not there anymore." We haven't even wanted to go to Sewickley to have to see the empty or otherwise occupied space. Haven't been to Sewickley since right before the OM closed.


I'm glad you shared feelings...it's "better out than in"...soldiering on in silent misery is pointless, when in fact, it DOES matter, and Carmen and I have felt a real sense of loss: the place, the people, the totally neat jewelry..Carmen remarked just recently (as he has a number of times) "I wish that I could go to the Open Mind and pick out one of their unique pieces of jewelry again." So do I. I have and wear my Open Mind things perhaps more than any others, except meaningful rings.

I miss you, miss Pat McGuire (and worry about her silence, and her future), miss seeing Lisa and the other people who patronized the OM. I miss the incense, the music, the specialness of the whole OM presence.

I was always puzzled and felt an inward "start" when I heard anyone refer to the Open Mind as a "store" or a "bookstore". I never felt that way about it--to me it was a Sacred Space, and still is. To me it was a Spiritual Center and Resource Center...it was never a store to me.

Why give up? Why listen to a crappy self-doubt tape in your head? Tell Kubek to go F himself, and take Curt Gowdy with him. Tell them to Piss Off--it's your head, they don't belong there. What does your HEART say to you? What does Lisa say? What do you feel about it all? Quitting and wallowing is very opposite the spirit of hope, forward movement, enlightenment, and growth that was the whole point of the Open Mind. It was about learning to cope with pain, fear, adversity past and present, and negative voices that intruded into the dreams we spun in our hearts and heads.

It has been hard, and sad, and a great loss. I went to the Open Mind the whole time it existed: was it 14 or 15 years. I was glad when you took over from "the group" because I thought that was goofy from day one, and wasn't too sure what Diane Sonne (or whatever she calls herself now) and possibly Karen the Witch had in mind when that whole thing was whipped up. Still, it was a chapter, a passage.

Never say never, Phil. Never is not having an Open Mind--which, after all, is like having a parachute, so I have heard. Things will eventually pick up..This period in our economy HAS been a Depression in itself...there has been a thick cloud over many lives. But it will end.

Do you love the events you plan? Do people attend? Are the participants happy there? Does it make you happy to be there? Let yourself be happy--as in Yoga, it's about ALLOWING, not about forbidding.

If none of this works for you, I want you to think about all the people who felt lost enough or sad enough or were gripped by trauma and pain enough to NEED the Open Mind. You couldn't stay in business if you kept losing money--bankruptcy is not fun and games. But there was a bright steady light on Beaver Street in Sewickley for over ten years--that's a generation: ten years. And that light still shines for me, though I have tears in my eyes when I think and remember and wish. There are resurrections, there are dreams that never die, there are feelings that become the ties that bind. Love never dies. The Open Mind was Love.

I miss Pat McGuire terribly--not just as a "reader" but as a true Spiritual Advisor. That was how I referred to her. I love her and Minnie and fear that I will not see them again. Now that is a true misfortune and a huge loss, not just to me. By what human standard is her situation fair? By none that I can fathom, but there is chaos and randomness....we have our health, our bodies they are more than suitcases for the Soul--they are the means by which the Soul carries out its purposes and missions in life. We all have a shelf life, an expiration date...which are the lucky among us? Those who DON'T have a time frame spelled out to them, or those who do? Which are able to live more fully, purposefully, and authentically? I guess it depends on the person. If you had 1 year to live, what would you choose to do? Six months? Three months? Twenty four hours? That would be your heart speaking to you when you get the answers.

You may be in "career transition" but it may not be permanent. It may be a holding area, like what Limbo is supposed to be, though Catholic lore is not my forte.

If you feel down, try to make someone else feel good. Fall asleep praying for everyone you care for, and even for some you don't...then start counting blessings, large and small. You will not be awake for long.

Be good to yourself, Phil...you did not fail--is that what that pissy voice is really about?

Love, S & C

(Thanks guys. I needed that. Pat is doing well given the circumstances although her hair fell out.)
 
Just sending you healing light! I miss Open Mind and seeing you at the store. Change is hard, esp when it is so very personal. Keep your chin up & keep the faith!


Just a patron
T.
 
(you are more than just a patron. Thank you.)
 
Hi Phil,


I know you don't know me very well (or maybe even remember me) but I feel compelled to write you back. I would imagine you're getting lots and lots of emails of support for the work you did creating and maintaining that special vibe which was what the OM was known for. I regret not being able to become involved in the happenings there.

For what it's worth you're not alone with the antagonistic head-trip voices. I feel like I have a whole family of them in my brain, stopping me from doing/saying the right thing, ridiculing every mistake, you know the routine. Depression, guilt, and shame can really be crippling can't they. What a perfect combination - you do something to work on one and it feeds the others.

When I was facilitating drum circles and workshops all the time I used to try and channel the energy of your OM emails when writing my own. Not copying material but going for that - buoyancy - that you conveyed. Even in this email it's there.

I guess the point of all this is to say that you were/are appreciated and you're also not alone in the funk. Hey, if you ever want to sit down over pizza and a drink I'm game.

By the way:

I'm making this spirit fair come hell or high water. Thanks for those, too.

Take Care,

R.
 
(Thanks so much for that, and of course I remember you! Have to pass on the drink, though, I'm back on the wagon.)
 
Never met you but I encourage you to cheer up. A lot of people care & have "been there, done that" Thanks for the info on the Spirit Fair. Can you go to a counselor & just talk....that might help. I'm sure you miss your business/ baby? God bless, D.
 
(thanks)
 
Chin up, our mind is our greatest detractor and our greatest cheerleader! You've acknowledged your funk, it's part of the healing! Did you catch the double rainbow yesterday morning? Remember, if it weren't for the storm cloud, there would have been no rainbows!
 
(I'll keep looking for rainbows)
 
Philip, Thank you for continuing to try!  i think what you do is important to alot of us. Closing the open mind was a stressful thing for you to do.  it was a major part of your life.  I wish you the best , depression is very hard to deal with on your own.  I hope you have supportive friends  in your life who can be there for you, i know that you do!  best wishes
 
(I always forget I'm not alone.)
 
Hello Phil.  The devil always harps on those closest to God.  God Bless, M.
 
(very sweet thought)
 
Sounds like you may want to check out this website, http://www.theemotioncode.com/ and read about the book. I read the book, took the seminar in Toronto and am now working on getting my certification in working with folks. The process is based on the fact that trapped emotions in the body cause all types of distress from physical to emotional.


The process involves kinesiology, intent and magnets. I know...sounds a bit of a stretch...but I have seen some alleviation of physical stuff such as pain from sciatica, skin rashes, and back pain. The more ingrained emotional/mental states take more time to remove for some reason. The connection between the physical discomforts and removed emotions can be pretty amazing.

Let me know if you want to know more or have any questions. While I am "learning" the process, there is a fellow in New Ken who has been combining EFT with this process and is quite skilled. His name is Denny Sulava and he is a retired teacher who has been involved with EFT since 2001. Let me know if you want his email or telephone number.

J.

(Looks like EFT is the way to go!)

Hi Phil!


Sorry you are feeling so blue...I know you have had a tough and challenging year.

Remember that nothing is as bad as it seems...likewise nothing is as good as it seems.

The "devil" in depression is that judgement is poor and perception is skewed in a negative and dramatic direction. You are loved and you love, this is all that matters.

You can once again feel that your life has purpose...find the help that you need to allow it in!

You have the capacity to create and the inspire and the responsibility to those that love you to do so,
I love you.

L (aka "Ironpants")
 
(that's my girl xoxo)
 
Hi Phil!


Of course you would have the blues after the closing of something that was a huge part of your life and your entire world. Jeez, I'm depressed just having another birthday not to mention all of the other crappy things that have happened to me in the past year. But from all of this fortunately comes spiritual growth and knowledge. I myself am finding that learning" how to roll with the punches" is leaving me bruised and sometimes hard to get myself out of that black hole i have been in all of my life.

I am reading a self help book right now called "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D. It is a national bestseller and all, but when the person suggested to me that I read it I wanted to laugh in their face but I wasn't laughing much those days anyway, so I ordered it online and was skeptical at best. The book was a little more work than I expected but did help me crawl back out of my hole. It seemed the more I was open with my depression to my friends and family the better things got and was able to move past at least that part of life. Every other day is a battle but now I feel a little more equipped to help myself. I even kept a journal for awhile! And still probably should.

Anyway, I know I am probably not telling you anything that you don't already know with your schooling and knowledge that, you always seemed to possess to me, even though we were kids and I knew you only a short time, but I guess I just want you to know that you have support all around you and I will always consider you and your family my friends! I am sure a new door is going to open soon for you and I can't wait to hear what it is.

Your friend,

K.
 
(Thanks MK. Nice to hear from you.)
 

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

So, dour faced Sewickley lady, you have a lotus flower embroidered upon the wide seat of your yoga pants.I am impressed.